This list was created in honor of my LP colleague Mark Baker, who has gotten the silly notion into his head that the trend of making lists for every conceivable mundane subject is somehow reducing writing/publishing/blogging to single-celled entertainment on par with monster truck rallies or anything currently appearing on MTV.
1. Top 10 cities where you’re most likely to step in dog shit (my suggestion: Paris)
2. Top 10 reasons travel writers are still hanging in there, despite crap pay, sociopathic editors and the death of publishing (my suggestion: batshit crazy)
3. Top 10 times I was horribly wrong when I said “another glass of wine won’t hurt”
4. Top 10 sex tapes of very important people in Levi Johnston’s possession that explain his baffling fame (I included the wiki link because I strongly suspect that Mark will have no idea who this is – so, in a way, his life is perfect)
5. Top 10 farts I ripped that were more thought provoking and constructive than US Congresswoman Michele Bachmann’s entire time in office (my suggestion: bean and eggplant burrito)
6. Top 10 countries where the number of potential gastrointestinal emergencies outnumber unique, genuine tourist attractions (my suggestion: Switzerland)
7. Top 10 buildings that look like failed designs for sex toys (my suggestion Taipei 101)
8. Top 10 god-forsaken Pacific Islands that Glenn Beck might be exiled to when he’s finally convicted for treason and gross douchebaggery (my suggestion: Majuro Atoll)
9. Top 10 chain restaurants that people living in the suburbs consider ‘fine dining’ (my suggestion: The Olive Garden)
10. Top 10 ways that people who voted against legalizing same-sex marriage suffered brain damage during their formative years (my suggestion: church)
11. Top 10 nefarious blog topics that will increase your visitor stats by 50 fold the week after you finally give up on ‘travel’ (Humbling Fun Fact: most weeks, the majority of my new visitors find my blog because of Google Images search results pointing to a picture of Michelle Hunziker’s bare ass in this post)
You are so weird sometimes. But I would love to see some of these top ten lists (I think my favorite is either 6 or 9). The people who write top ten lists are such slackers! Especially compared to those who write top eleven lists. “How many things in your list? Only ten? Pshhh!”
I think Seafood Perkins (Red Lobster) is considered finer dining than Italian Perkins.
I’m pretty sure it’s not fine dining unless their is at least one “limitless” item on the menu. Ex: popcorn shrimp!
Ah, Leif, you continue to offend me AND make me laugh until I spew coffee all over my monitor. Keep up the good work.
@Mary – Weirdness has been the driving force in my popularity since college.
@Ed – You trumped me bro. Red Lobster is indeed the leading candidate.
@Pam – That’s the nicest compliment anyone (not sleeping with me) has given me in a long time. Thanks!
Wow, you actually came up with 11 topics that top-10 lists haven’t been made on. That’s going in my top-10 list of most impressive feats pulled off by travel bloggers, right up there with using alcoholism as successful personal branding and somehow making a retrospective on an obscure 90s punk band travel-related (ok, the last one was me).
Completely agree about Paris. Doggy landmines everywhere.
Failed designs for sex toys. If you need a CITY, I’d have to say Barcelona. 2-3 buildings that look like they belong in the Adam & Eve catalog.
So true on number two: National Geographic Adventure is dead.
http://sanddollaradventures.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/i-knew-it-was-only-a-matter-of-time-but-is-this-really-my-last-adventure/
You’re revving with number eleven: most of my hits are for Google Image searchs for the girls of Rock Racing, which is ironic as the picture is really not all that salacious.
http://sanddollaradventures.wordpress.com/2008/02/20/rock-racing-on-the-tour-of-california/
Nice non-list list.
@Lauren – The news of creativity’s death has been greatly exaggerated – outside of the film industry, that is. Who did the alcohol personal branding anyway. I drink more wine than three Italians.
@Brian – True about Barcelona. Someone should do a coffee table book on the subject. Or at least a blog post.
@Frank – I’m going to find reasons, however thin, to start posting way more T&A on this blog. Google Adsense doesn’t know the diff between readers and picture trolls.
Always fun to see what keywords bring people to your site. An unbelievable number of folks have made it to mine by Googling “ass” “brazilian” “big booty.”
No joke.
And all for this: http://collazoprojects.com/2009/02/20/the-cultural-relativism-of-the-bikini/
I’m glad someone finally trashed the Olive Garden. I come from Rome, New York, (the Italian capital of the known world outside of Italy) where you will literally be chased down the street by a gang wielding blowtorches and hooks if you mention it. Granted, the unending pasta bowl is OK if you don’t consider the Olive Garden an Italian restaurant.
Finally, Top Ten lists that will have practical application in the world.
Other suggestion: Hilliest Cities/Cities with most stairs (for those who get winded walking to the curb whilst taking out the trash, Edinburgh can be a bit of a challenge)
Hahaha-this is awesome. I think I just spit a little aqua con gas at my computer while reading this. You used one of my favorite words (nefarious) and made fun of the Olive Garden. I’ll be back.
@Julie – Well, you have to admit, by Brazilian big booty standards, you have quite a very stimulating blog. That’s one less cup of coffee I’ll need this morning.
Christian – I haven’t been to Italian Perkins since Minneapolis started getting proper Italian restaurants (circa 1990), but even back then I was struck by how people were arriving in their best church clothes for a night of fine dining.
@Saucy – Edinburgh and any hilltop town in Tuscany. I really don’t know how those little old ladies manage.
@Nancy – Thank you and I look forward to further instances of accidentally almost ruining your computer. After the first few times I sprayed Strongbow all over my laptop and desk, I now keep at least one emergency paper towel within reach at all times.
It’s amazing how folks arrive at the OG (Olive Garden) in suits and leather blazers. I love it.
#6 and 7 are hilarious, but I totally agree with #10!