Killing Batteries

Remember Slackerology? My probably best-selling, award-winning, religion-changing, planet-saving book proposal may have fizzled out on the desks of 26 editors, to the detriment of all society (history will vindicate me), but I’m still living and honing the theory every day.

[If you need to get up to speed on the modern, minimalist lifestyle I’ve cheekily labeled ‘Slackerology’, you can read about it in great detail here, here, here, here and here or read an incredibly condensed explanation here.]

Further to that, I recently had the occasion to do a detailed calculation of my annual living expenses for the first time (oddly) since moving back to the US and, while I knew the number would be low, the total shocked even me.

My base annual expenses came in at almost exactly US$25,000. Add in the expenses for a few, longish, non-work trips and I’m pegging my annual sustainable income needs at about 28 grand.

How the Bachmann do I do it? Before I tell you, one little thing…

This blog post is entitled “How I live on $25,000 a year,” not “How you can live on $25,000 a year.” Every person and living situation is going to be different. So, those of you who are already getting tuned up to post a comment like “Dear Pompous Ass, what you’ve said here just isn’t feasible when you’re from [place with an inordinately high cost of living] and live 10 miles from work, so thanks for the useless information, but I can’t blah, blah, blah, lame excuses, blah…” can save yourselves the effort. I do not care and I will probably mock you. However, I’d be overjoyed if you gleaned and applied even one or two ideas from this post that could potentially make a difference to your annual living expenses.

OK, my base annual living expenses are comprised of the following list:

•    Mortgage/condo association fee – I live in a 606 square foot (56.3 square meter) condo in a non-flashy building, in the dead-center of Minneapolis, a city that happens to have reasonable property prices. And I have space to spare. As I’ve proselytized previously, people don’t need very much space to live comfortably. My mortgage and condo association fee (which pays for everything except electric, internet and phone) comes out to roughly $1,120 a month.

•    Electric – My small living space and modest lifestyle mean that my electric bill stays low, averaging $32 a month over the past 12 months.

•    Internet – Non-fluctuating, non-debatable expense, $45 a month.

•    Phone – I only have a cell phone (no landline), with voice and data service. No text messaging. Why no text messaging? Because it costs an extra $10 a month and my Android has email, five kinds of instant messaging/chatting software and, oh yeah, makes phone calls. Remember phone calls? Also, text messaging is destroying in-person social interaction (I’m speaking of those people who send/receive one text message for every six waking minutes of their day and give those texts priority over the people sitting right next to them) and greatly increases the chances that idiots will hit me with their cars. But my friends are hard to train and they still send me texts now and then, which cost 15 cents each. So, my cell phone bill fluctuates between $59 and $61 a month.

•    Groceries – I typically spend $40-55 a week on groceries.

•    Transport – This is the estimated, seasonally fluctuating expense for my rechargeable bus/train pass and the maintenance for my bike. I work from home and rarely ride public transport in the warmer months. I estimate that I pay roughly $300 a year.

•    Entertainment/food/alcohol – A generously padded fund. I don’t go out for lavish dinners of lobster burgers and foie gras dogs very often, but I do more than my fair share of brunches, food trucks, happy hours, drinks, burgers, burritos, delivered pizzas, and movies. Also, I enjoy the occasional (case of) wine and cider. I’ve allotted $4,300 a year.

•    Health insurance – I happen to be an exceptionally healthy and (attention ladies) virile 41 year old. With my history of indestructibleness, I have made what seems like a sensible gamble and only purchased basic, individual health insurance which costs $87 a month.

•    Miscellaneous – I landed on $1,800 a year. An admittedly arbitrary, but I believe safe, number for irregular purchases such as clothes, books, DVDs, presents and, every third year or so, a new laptop and smartphone, among other things.

That’s it. That’s 25 grand.

Now, you may notice a few, glaring omissions from that list, including:

•    Car – As I’ve already described in wretched detail, car ownership is second only to shelter in daily expenses and one of the leading time-consuming maintenance burdens and hair-yanking stress triggers for most people. Admittedly, this choice is especially easy for me because I work from home and I’ve located myself in a walkable neighborhood that also happens to be my city’s main public transport hub, but there you go. Not owning a car means approximately $9,000 that I don’t have to raise each year to keep it physically and legally running.

•    Gym membership – My condo group shares an embarrassingly basic, but perfectly passable fitness center. Nevertheless, most of my neighbors maintain gym memberships elsewhere, because they’ve convinced themselves they’ll get a better workout if there are more sweaty people around, white towels everywhere, a different, refrigerator-sized apparatus for every muscle group and cardio equipment with cable TV that constantly measures 16 vital signs and sperm count. Even without my pitiable fitness center, I’m confident that I could get a perfectly good workout by purchasing a few, small, key pieces of equipment (about the same price as maybe two or three months of gym membership fees), educating myself on do-it-yourself cardio and muscle isolation exercises and good old fashion discipline.

•    Dental – I’m one of those medical tourists you read about. I get my teeth checked out in Romania every summer while doing guidebook research. A check-up costs about US$15. I’ve had a few very old fillings drilled out and refilled in recent years, which, with x-rays, costs about US$20 each.

•    Pets – Disclaimer that pet owners should read before sending hate mail/comments: I am already acutely aware that I approach life with what is apparently an especially high level of critical logic and common sense. Imagine a high-functioning Rain Man, but with better taste in food and TV. People behaving in a manner seemingly devoid of logic and common sense is a source of endless bafflement and frustration for me. At the top of this list is any action/behavior/philosophy motivated by religion, followed closely by how utterly useless nearly all politicians have become, but pet ownership is probably in the top 10. What pet owners see as emotionally uplifting companionship, cuteness and I don’t know what else, I see as an unnecessary output of resources. Never mind that caring for pets requires mild (goldfish) to substantial (dogs) time and energy, not to mention the ongoing disposal of fecal matter, vomit and the logistical management for whenever one wants to leave town or even have a long day away from home if Fido/Fluffy shits/barfs on the carpet if he isn’t attended to every six hours, but those extra expenses add up quickly. Especially so when the pet gets old or sick. Even in a year with no pet emergencies, those expenses mean all the more hours you have to be at work to raise the money to keep that pet alive, as well as time away from work/friends to care for the pet when they get into the dark chocolate or tin foil. If you have the debilitating craving for non-verbal companionship and the daily clean-up of another entity’s excretions, go volunteer at a hospital ICU or animal shelter or something.

•    Shopping – I don’t shop. Correction: once or twice a year, someone close to me corners me with a shotgun, binds my hands, injects me with a sedative, throws me into the trunk of a car and drives to an Old Navy. This is how I get new clothes. Apart from that, I don’t shop. This is largely due to the fact that my job/social life do not require dressy attire or even all that much variety. Lastly, “de-crapify your life” is one of the base tenets of Slackerology, and idle shopping – clothes, knickknacks, whatever – does not mix with having less crap. Plus, shopping makes me sleepy and hungry.

That’s pretty much the gist of it. A low-impact, comfortable, well-fed, frequently inebriated lifestyle for 25 grand a year, what many people could earn in a low-stress, part-time job – or full-time freelance travel writing in a shitty economy. Add two vacations in foreign lands each year and bump it up to 28 grand. Any additional income you want for savings/investments is up to you. (Obviously, adjust for the cost of living and income in your area.)

So, please help this high-functioning Rain Man to understand, why do people sacrifice free time, friends, family, health and a decent night’s sleep to earn double or triple that much and more?

It’s been a while since I went on a Slackerology rant, but car-free living has been on my mind again recently and instead of just speaking in confident, but speculative terms, I decided to crunch a bunch of numbers to support my argument.

When you ask someone why they don’t consider a car-free lifestyle, the primary reply is that the convenience and time-saving of traveling by car, versus public transport, is simply too valuable to give up. Well, to those people clinging to that belief, I’m about to blow your tutti-frutti little minds.

Let’s assume, as someone dependent on public transport, you ride the bus/train an average of four times a day, namely to and from work and then round-trip on one other outing (or two round-trip outings on Saturdays/Sundays). Let’s say that each time you take public transport, you spend an average of five minutes waiting at the stop. (Yes, I know that at 11pm on a Sunday you may occasionally wait 25 minutes, but all those times you wait zero to three minutes at 5pm on a Wednesday will even things out).

So:

4 trips a day X five minutes of waiting X 365 days = 121.66 hours per year that you ‘waste’ standing around, waiting for public transport.

Now, as for the extra time spent in transit on buses/trains versus your car, depending on the route, time of day, traffic and whatever walking you need to do to-from the stop/station, yes the journey on public transport will probably take more time than if you just hopped into your car. But exactly how much more time?

The walking time to/from public transport versus your car is basically a wash, because you would likely also have a long walk from the office/shop/movie theater/etc to wherever your car is parked, not to mention all the time you burn driving around trying to find a parking spot.

While some bus routes are sadistically slower than driving a car, others, privy to priority lanes for example, are just the same or faster. And, it’s safe to assume, trains will always be faster as they happily zoom under, over or through inching traffic. Being that this interval is kind of impossible to quantify, I’m just going to pull what I feel is a fairly generous number out of the air and say a (average!) journey on public transport will take seven minutes longer than if you were in a car.

4 trips a day X seven additional in-transit minutes X 365 days = 170.33 additional hours per year that you might spend in transit while on public transport than if you were in a car.

Combining the waiting-for-public-transport hours and additional in-transit hours, you could potentially lose 292 hours of your life per year if you relied solely on public transport.

There’s no denying that’s a lot of toe-tapping, non-thrilling time. That said, you car drivers will want to put down any delicate or spillable items you may be holding before I continue.

Now, let’s look at how many hours per year you work in order to raise the money necessary to keep your car on the road. First, let’s break down an annual car expense sheet (I’m doing both low and high end expense breakdowns, since everyone has different circumstances and expenses depending on city, daily driving distances, age, lifestyle, etc):

• Car loan payments = $3,000 to $5,400 per year (or $250 to $450 per month X 12 months)

• Gas = $780-1,560 ($15-30 per week X 52 weeks per year)

• Insurance = $1,200 to $2,400 per year

• License tabs = $50-120 per year

• Maintenance = $300-500 per year (an estimated lump sum for oil changes, car washes, windshield wipers, one or two minor part(s) failures, etc)

• Parking = $200-2,400 per year (the startling high end is for people who pay to park in garages/lots both at home and at work, plus supplementary night/weekend parking at meters, lots, etc)

Low and high end totals come to $5,530 and $12,380 per year. Since only a tiny fraction of car drivers live at either of those extremes, I’m going to use the midpoint of $8,955 from this point forward.

In order to bring home the $8,955 per year needed to keep a car on the road, you’ll actually need to earn $11,193.75 in pre-tax income . So, at a pay rate of $16.63 per hour (average entry-level salary for someone with a four-year, liberal arts degree in 2008, totaling $34,590.40 per year, which, cruelly, is just enough to warrant the above 25% income tax rate.), it will take – brace yourself – 673.11 hours of non-stop work to earn enough money to keep your car physically and legally running.

And if you don’t have a car loan, or don’t spend that much money on parking or whatever, keep in mind that I haven’t factored in all the money you could potentially cough up paying for collision repairs, moving violations or parking tickets and, in some places, toll roads.

Of course, without a car you’ll probably need to buy a monthly unlimited ride transit pass which, depending on the city, will cost roughly $1,000 per year. Paying for this will require 75.17 hours of work (to earn the necessary $1,250 in pre-tax income), which, subtracted from the 673.11 work hours saved by dumping the car, leaves you with 597.94 hours of work (or 14.95 weeks, assuming a 40-hour work week) that no longer need to be performed.

If, like many salaried workers, you don’t have the option of wheeling and dealing with work hours, instead you’d end up with an extra $7,955 take-home cash in your wallet each year. When was the last time you landed an instantaneous net income increase of $7,955 for doing no additional work?

Harking back to the original issue of all the time “wasted” by relying on public transport, assuming there was the option of simply not working those subsequently unnecessary 597.94 car-funding hours, factoring in the 292 whiling-away-on-public-transport hours calculated above, at the end of the year you’d have 305.94 surplus waking hours of free time. More accurately, you’re wasting 305.94 precious wine drinking/video game playing/family time/napping hours every year by hanging onto the car.

Consider for a moment the delightful lifestyle transformation that would occur if, instead of two or three weeks of vacation per year, you had 16.95 or 17.95 weeks of vacation at your disposal. (Go ahead and take those 14.95 weeks off without pay. You don’t need the money.) Or you only worked 30 hours a week. Or think about how much really good wine and the lavish, weeks-long vacation in Thailand you could fund with that spare $7,955.

Now think about your drastically reduced carbon footprint.

Now think about being set free from the interminable stress of navigating through traffic and coping with car maintenance and misfortune.

Now think about how many books you could be reading or TV shows you could be watching on your iPod or calls you could be making to your long-suffering mother while sitting on public transport.

Don’t try to tell me that you’re not tempted.

Slackerology
Theory: bringing home less disposable income and owning less crap can raise happiness and reduce stress.

By this stage, I think my bias toward calculated Slackerology is pretty clear – as is my devout Atheism and loathing of the suburbs. While I was vagabonding around the planet from 2003 to 2007, I learned (or re-learned in many cases) some very simple, big picture truths about overall happiness and reducing stress. Returning to the US, I vowed to keep my reacquired slacker vibe going by incorporating these nuggets of wisdom into my life and so far things are going swimmingly.

These tactics aren’t for everyone, obviously, but upon first reading many people are a little too quick to declare that, while yeah it all sounds good in theory, it’s far too late for them to integrate these methods into their own complicated, entrenched lives. That’s simply not true.

I’ll allow that the larger edicts of Slackerology cannot be engaged overnight, nor without a little pain and apprehension. You are, after all, going to be required to dismiss the false necessities that have been relentlessly coded into your belief system ever since you could understand spoken language and interpret the judgmental, withering glances from old folks. Yet, nearly everyone can incorporate at least some facets of the Slackerology theory into their lives and, judging from my experience thus far, the end totally justifies the means.

I’m not trying to idolize the European lifestyle over anyone/anywhere else. Indeed, Europeans are prone to many of the same social programming instincts as we are here in the US (fashion victims in Italy, motorheads in Germany, unsettling fast food consumption in the UK). However, by and large, their lifestyle management seems to err on the side of common sense, moderation and awareness, while here in the US we seem to prefer blind consumption, competition and willful ignorance of reality. By my observations, it’s these leanings (and the added benefit of centuries of hardwired culture) that have kept Europeans operating at a more down-to-earth tempo that, by all appearances, seems to be better suited to the long term health and contentment of the human condition.

So, let’s get on with it. Here is the long awaited Slackerology 5 Steps to Living Like a European in the US:

1)    Ditch the car. This lifestyle adjustment will almost certainly sting the most, but down the road it will in all probability benefit you the most. As I described last week, with the same time, energy and money that you devote to owning and maintaining a car every year, you could, for example, take French classes and then finance a one month trip to France. Some people can implement this plan tomorrow. Others will need a little lead time. You may be required to relocate to a neighborhood (or possibly a city) with reasonable public transport and more readily available shops and services. The latter is particularly crucial. Having the necessities within walking distance of your home is pricelessly convenient and labor-saving, not to mention quintessentially European. And while you’re out house/apartment hunting…

2)    Don’t buy more property than you actually need. I live in a 600 square foot condo. This is the perfect amount of space for a single person. In fact, I could easily go smaller and Europeans frequently do. My apartment in Romania was a 280 square foot box. Not long before that, I’d occupied a house with about 1800 square feet of finished space, so naturally I was a little hesitant. Well, it turns out that I simply don’t need all that space. More space just means more area to clean, heat/cool and maintain which requires more time, money and effort. More space also lends itself to unchecked consumption, because, hey, you’ve got all that space, so you might as well fill ‘er up! Well, I promised myself I’d never make that mistake again. As such, my tiny condo is one of the main reasons I can live, and live quite comfortably, on the meager wages of freelance travel writing.

3)    De-crapify your life. I know it may not seem like it at first glance, but you simply do not need 80% of the crap that you have in your home. Same goes for 95% of the crap being relentlessly advertised to you. Do you need a TV in every room? No. And if you do, you don’t need to have a TV on in every room. (Easily in the Top Ten of my list of 1294 Biggest Pet Peeves) Do you need themed dinning room place settings for every major holiday? Do you need a gas-powered device for every facet of yard work? Do you need a CD player shaped like a jukebox? Checking your impulse-buy muscles is the first step, the second step is eradication. Not everyone has the capacity to police their own ‘crapstincts’ (crap-buying and crap-purging instincts), so you may need to employ a small team of people that are sensitive to the Common Senseless unchecked consumerism phenomenon. This process is greatly facilitated by the moving-into-a-smaller-home portion of Slackerology. Get the ball rolling by ridding yourself of anything that serves no unique purpose or that you haven’t used in a year. Christine Gilbert, she of the travel blog Almost Fearless, has had many of the same epiphanies that I’ve had and her post 10 Unexpected Costs of Owning Things goes into lavish detail on this particular subject.

4)    Reward yourself, in small doses, frequently. The Spanish have their naps. The Italians have their espresso. The Swiss have their chocolate. The French have their, um, not-working-very-much. And they all have their responsible intake of wine. I’m convinced that these brief, tiny rewards are key to contentment. Note the emphasis on the words ‘tiny’ and ‘brief’. I’m not endorsing hours of mindless TV watching fueled by a two liter Coke, a bushel of Doritos, and a Three Buck Chuck chaser. Furthermore, in many cases these little rewards serve the duel purpose of forcing us to slow down, if only momentarily, to enjoy them. In the US, we’re encouraged to go-go-go and deprive ourselves and/or feel guilty if we indulge too frequently. I’m not sure how this puritanical, throwback, orthodox-caliber discipline propagated into the general USA consciousness, but it’s ridiculous and self-destructive and we need to turn those impulses around.

5)    Work less. After you’ve ditched the car, sold all your crap and moved into a reasonably sized home, the coup de grâce is that you get to work less! Since this is the US and, for now, one of the primary motivators keeping us working to clinical insanity is our precious benefits (eg health insurance), you’ll have to be very careful how you go about this. Many employers stop providing benefits when you dip below 30 hours a week. Also, this is the part of Slackerology that, even with thorough calculating of your finances, you should approach carefully. Drop to 35 hours per week to start, wait a few months and see how things look. If you’re comfortably covering your bills, maybe drop to 30 hours a week. If a literal drop in hours per week isn’t possible with your employer, you also have the option of downshifting the job itself. Apply for a position with less responsibility and little or no prospect for overtime. If you can’t reduce your hours, you can at least reduce your stress. People may think you’re batshit crazy when you apply for a position with less accountability, opportunity for advancement and pay than the one you already hold, but you’ll have your quiet deliverance while they’re working until 10pm on a Friday night and you’re at a double feature.

And so ends the five chief points of Slackerology. Again, I have been strictly adhering to the principles listed above for over two years. Apart from the glaring lack of health insurance (which is due mainly to my voluntarily selected career path), I’m deprived of precious little in my day-to-day life. I eat well, I go out frequently, I travel and I have a stockpile of wine in my closet that could kill 15 Minnesota moose.

Though incessant repetition has trained us to believe the opposite, a modest life is frequently more rewarding than an ambitious life, with the added perk of having more time to enjoy it (under-worked people rarely die young). We often forget how happy we were as kids. The pure joy of innocence, energy and youth played a major role, but how much of that happiness was derived from the fact that we had little to no crap and responsibility weighing us down?

Agonizing over travel insurance? Maybe I can help…

Slackerology
Theory: bringing home less disposable income and owning less crap can raise happiness and reduce stress.

[I apologize. I know that last week I promised that this post would be about how to live like a European in the US, but as always, once I started writing, the post became ridiculously long and unwieldy, so I've had to partition it up. The tips to living like a European in the US, are, Buddha willing, coming next week.]

Like many others, I strongly believe that the working/time off/compensation atmosphere in the US has gotten completely out of hand. Sadly, these practices have become so ingrained at this stage that changing things on a large scale will be akin to turning the Titanic with a soup spoon. So, unless we can rally together 50 million Americans with 50 million soup spoons to all row in the same direction at once (that’d be a sight, wouldn’t it?), we’re probably going to have to live like this for the foreseeable future. That said, having now used myself as a test case for nearly two years, I believe that adjustments can be made on an individual basis that will allow people to work less, reduce stress and therefore increase happiness.

Now a certain amount of unlearning needs to be done – more like a ‘brain-rinsing’ than a brainwashing. Anyone born since, oh, World War II, has suffered a lifelong, ceaseless bombardment of social programming by corporations, the media and (particularly from 2001-2008) the government, into believing that we need as much accessories, property, artificial appearances (which I will heretofore cumulatively refer to as ‘crap’), and security as we can afford – often more than we can afford – or we’re failures. And/or doomed. This is, of course, a fallacy perpetrated by legions of profiteering douchebags that want you to act and consume in a manner that’s to their advantage. The thing is that these fallacies have been prominently perpetuated for so long that they are no longer viewed as fallacies, much like many other widespread, long-term myths, like say, the Bible. Well, Jesus hasn’t verifiably appeared to anyone in two millennia, so let’s get started debunking some other deep-rooted fables.

Money = Happiness. The statement “money doesn’t buy happiness” is the overarching principle of Slackerology and the most oft repeated cliché by sellers of happiness (usually right before they ask you for money). Yet by and large, the same people that nod sagely with approval when it’s uttered aren’t taking even the most basics steps to noticeably apply the concept to their own lives. Obviously, a certain amount of money is necessary to maintain reasonable comfort, but beyond a nebulous earnings threshold, which is far lower than most people realize, the diminishing returns of happiness for each grand you bring home drastically declines the further you get from that reasonable level of comfort.

To further my point (ad nauseam), I offer the following:

In a recent interview with Richard Layard of the London School of Economics, a UPI article stated:

“In an economy where people are constantly forced to compete with each other, life and work become a rat race, he says. As people get used to higher income levels, their idea of a sufficient income grows with their income and if this is not anticipated, they will invest more time for work than is good for their happiness.”

It’s taken a couple of frenzied and exhausted generations to prove the rather obvious point, but it’s become clear that placing priority on career, income and ambition over family, relaxation and responsible amounts of wine consumption have brought down happiness levels in the US on a national scale. A 2006 Financial Times article entitled “The hippies were right all along about happiness” reported:

“Politicians mistakenly believe that economic growth makes a nation happier. Western politicians think this way because they were taught to do so. But today there is much statistical and laboratory ¬evidence in favour of a heresy: once a country has filled its larders there is no point in that nation becoming richer. The hippies, the Greens, the road protesters, the downshifters, the slow-food movement – all are having their quiet revenge. Routinely derided, the ideas of these down-to-earth philosophers are being confirmed by new statistical work by psychologists and economists.”

The post “Be True to Yourself – Tyler Durden Style” does a good job of stripping out the primary message from the 1999 film “Fight Club”. Chuck Palahniuk’s point got a little overshadowed by Brad Pitt’s abs and delts, but his base philosophy challenged the prevailing lifestyle pattern of rash consumerism in the US that I refer to as ‘Common Senseless’.

Case in point, as I write this I’m struggling almost singlehandedly against mass Common Senseless with my condo association. Earlier this year, a couple busybodies decided that our hallways needed to be remodeled. Now depending on the strength and perspective of your aesthetic preferences, one might argue that the hallways are a little worn and dated. Fine, everyone has an opinion. However, this remodel that ostensibly satisfies the cosmetic nitpicking of a few people will affect us all in the form of a sizable, one-time assessment to finance the remodel, about $1,200-2,000 per unit. So, the unpopular question I’m pushing forward is do we need to remodel the hallway? Or to put it another way, do we all need to drop a significant amount of money during the nadir of the worst recession that any of us will ever know on superfluous improvements that won’t increase the value of our condos, in an area of the building where we spend about 10 cumulative minutes a week, just to satisfy the whims of a few people preoccupied with putting on airs?

I think questions like this need to be asked of oneself before any purchase larger than a case of Strongbow. Is the hallway carpet torn and peeling up, causing innocent people to spill their wine while walking to the laundry room? Yes please, let’s fix that. Is the hallway carpet not up to an interior designer’s ambiguous standards? Well then, with all due respect, don’t bloody look down.

He/she with the most toys wins. He/she who coined this phrase probably made truckloads of money off the dupes that bought it – and then probably slipped into a fairly serious coke habit. It’s absurd, of course, and anyone saying it out loud with a straight face probably has a bloated trust fund somewhere, but the fact is this instinct was tattooed into the subconscious of western cultures, on all economic levels, decades ago.

The hidden fallout from the toy-collecting approach to life is that every item and square inch of property you buy requires maintenance in the form of additional time and money. Whether we’re talking the cumulative 20 minutes per year you spend dusting your display case of dolphin glass figurines or the untold hours and cash that goes into maintaining your swimming pool and Hummer each week, this is time you could have spent relaxing and money that you had to work more hours to earn. All of this unnecessary effort, preoccupation and stress contributes to the eventual detriment of your personal relationships, health and happiness. Again, to quote Tyler Durden, “The things you own, end up owning you”. You gotta admit the guy is pretty astute for someone who’s been punched in the face so frequently.

Time is money. In fact, time is happiness. Money, to a certain degree, facilitates happiness in the form of basic comfort, convenience and security, but as I stated above, a nebulous threshold of ideal happiness occurs at a surprisingly low income level. Pushing beyond that ideal is possible, naturally, and can temporarily effect heightened happiness levels (say, a week of four-star touring around Paris), but this requires you to work harder and earn more money to achieve these ever fainter and infrequent boosts in happiness. I’m of the opinion that we often achieve and shoot right past our ideal happiness threshold without realizing it, until our declining years when the inevitable exercise of taking measure of one’s life occurs and all too frequently the regrets pile up (if one is to believe any programming on the Lifetime Channel, anyway).

Let’s take, for example, our cars. For many people, cars are truly indispensable time and labor-saving tools, but the perception of ‘indispensable’ is misleading. Without a car, you’d obviously be dependent on public transport, or, for the more active, your legs and a bicycle. Depending on the city that you live in, your location in that city and the number of people in your household, this could range from slightly inconvenient to catastrophic. Let’s look at the inconvenienced half of this scale.

What are some of the primary drawbacks of a car-free lifestyle?

1)    Time wasted sitting at bus stops and on trundling buses.
2)    The inconvenience and irritation of planning everything around a public transport timetable.
3)    Accomplishing errands (eg grocery shopping).
4)    ”I just can’t live without my car!”
5)    The guy sitting next to me smells like garlic and pee.

Well, I’d counter with the following (respectively):

1)    How much time did you waste working to earn the money to pay for your car, gas, insurance, maintenance and parking?
2)    How much inconvenience and irritation do you experience with breakdowns, accidents, looking for parking, receiving and paying for parking/speeding tickets and attending to car-related paperwork (eg tabs, insurance)?
3)    How many of those errands can realistically be accomplished within walking distance (one mile or less) of your home?
4)    Let me introduce you to about 350 million Europeans that are getting by just fine (yes, this is a tease for next week’s post).
5)    I have no answer for your neighbor’s disagreeable pong.

Cars are easily one of the top money pits in our lives. Those people that have sabotaged themselves by living in the sprawling suburbs where nothing is within walking distance and public transport is thin to nonexistent are of course deservedly screwed, otherwise when you crunch the numbers I think many people will find that they come out far ahead in time and, obviously, money at the end of the month by not owning a car. Plus, you get the added benefit of being healthier with all the supplementary exercise you get from walking, biking and carrying your groceries a few blocks.

Last one, I swear…

You and/or a loved one will be seriously injured or die violently if you don’t [fill in the blank] immediately!!! Fear is the most recent and most motivating fallacy of the bunch. This tactic is being used to sell you overblown or completely unnecessary products and services (bullet-proof, laser-guided, super-robot security), insurance (“Experts say the sun will go supernova sometime in the next five billion years. Don’t be caught unprotected!”), get you to watch certain news shows (“An apple a day may kill you! Tune in at 10:00 for details!”), and generally control your lives (“Orange alert! Red alert! DEFCON 20!! Lady, drop the breast milk or I’ll shoot! Aiiig!!).

Unsurprisingly, with lies and anxiety being fair game for driving marketing campaigns, copious time and money goes into keeping us safe. The world is indisputably a rapidly changing and very different place than 1000, 200, 50 or even 10 years ago, but when you see fear being used to sell something, 99 times out 100 you can dismiss it by simply asking yourself “Has this apparent looming misfortune ever happened to anyone that I’ve ever met?” Another good test is asking yourself, “How do the people in [god forsaken place] deal with [ominous illness/disaster in question]?” The answer, all too frequently, is that they don’t. Primarily because they’re a little busy trying to feed their families or overthrow their dictator, but also because most of these potential calamities only befall about one person in a million and no sane person should preoccupy themselves with those odds. You might as well use that time and energy planning how to spend your lottery winnings. But since common sense doesn’t push product as effectively, we’ve been reduced to this.

Here’s a very short, but not remotely comprehensive list of truths about your health and security:

•    Unless you have a private art gallery worth millions, you probably don’t need a state of the art security system and service.
•    If you live in a place where common theft is a problem, a good idea is to not give anyone an excuse to rob you, chiefly by not filling your home with luxury items.
•    With some very notable exceptions, most of the things that you’re encouraged to insure are things you didn’t actually need in the first place.
•    Instead of sinking money into vitamins, pills, health club memberships, food fads, at-home fitness books/videos/equipment, etc, you can satisfy nearly all your health needs with moderate, non-exotic exercise (walking, running, biking) and a reasonable diet.
•    You can inflict the same amount of damage by jamming your fingers into an attacker’s eyes than with any handheld weapon (stun gun, mace, firearm). Moreover, it takes less time to poke a finger than dig through your purse or jacket for said weapon. Finally, and it bears repeating, you’re more likely to shoot a loved one than an intruder.

Next week, using the sage common sense that I’ve exhaustively detailed above, I’ll illustrate how one can live like a European in the US by selectively dismissing false necessities.

Agonizing over travel insurance? Maybe I can help…

As promised last week, I’m following up my post on the destructive culture of over-work here in the US with a little background on my personal research in the field of Slackerology. And when I say ‘field’, I’m largely referring to a desk, in a cubical, in a secured, windowless room, that was at times in an underground bunker. Yes, I’m speaking of my nine years working for the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis.

Like fine wine or the Cohen Brothers film catalog, my Slacker Zen over the years has had exhilarating spikes and demoralizing dips. My time at the Fed started with the former and ended with the latter.

Now, I should start by saying that I am not at all bitter about my time at the Fed. All things considered, they treated me well, paid me a decent wage, offered excellent benefits and the opportunity to develop my career. Which I did. Eventually. But not after a fairly wonderful interval that I now refer to as the “Underachiever Years”.

The Fed was my first permanent job after university. Over the course of two backpacking trips in 1993 and 1994, I spent roughly six cumulative weeks in Spain, where I first got the crazy idea that your job shouldn’t dictate every facet of your life. Despite the long-suffering, stoic, Norwegian-Minnesotan gene pool from which I sprang, I acquired a rather immediate penchant for the Spanish lifestyle. And who wouldn’t? There’s a very good reason that American and English Spring Break revelers and retirees head to southern, Latin locales instead of Poland, Siberia and Winnipeg.

Obviously, six weeks of semi-sober backpacking didn’t exactly make me a sociological expert on the collective Spanish temperament, but it doesn’t take years of field research to note broad patterns. Namely, Spanish adults seemed to be better rested, more at ease and generally enjoying more idle time than most kindergarteners do in America. Even in such chaotic and seemingly demanding places as Barcelona and Madrid, I watched people amble to their jobs at a civilized hour, astonishingly wide awake and lively, where they would work diligently yet causally until noon. Then, on a silent, nationwide cue, all work promptly stopped so that everyone could return home to feast lavishly, hump the spouse (or sometimes the neighbor’s spouse) and take a nap. At 3-4pm everyone returned to work with a satisfied glow, working until 7-8pm, when it was time to rendezvous with the family for a group walk, a pleasant dinner and, God love ‘em, a televised sporting event.

When I returned to the US to reluctantly begin my career, in my youthful naivety, I decided that I would live as the Spanish lived. I would place priority on my personal life no matter the cost, and if that meant eliminating any trace of professional ambition and languishing in eternal mediocrity, well then that’s simply how my life would have to be.

Conveniently, with the dire state of the entry-level job market in 1994 and my hard-won Theatre Arts degree, I really didn’t have any choice but to embrace an impoverished, Euro-slacker lifestyle in the beginning. Indeed, I immediately landed one of those jobs specially reserved for people with my unique qualifications: switchboard operator.

This was a job that I’d performed handily during university. I could work a phone with the same technique and élan as a concert pianist, answering and transferring calls for hours without ever looking up from my book.

Having, I felt, ingeniously found a job that only required 5% of my brain processing capacity, there was little stopping me from staggering into work on two hours of sleep in the throes of a raging Rum-and-Cokeurism. Staying true to my inner-Spaniard, I would skulk off and nap during lunch. Since time and distance prevented me from returning home for my siesta, I had to sidle into one of the ‘resting rooms’ at the Bank, meant for sick people and lactating mothers.

This went on for two of the most carefree years of my adult life, before things like TV brainwashing, peer pressure and wretched envy finally got the better of me. Actually, more than anything, I’d had enough of watching people earning twice what I was earning who couldn’t even print out envelopes without assistance. I slowly let go of my pursuit of leisure, hobbies and rum and clawed my way up the ranks of the Federal Reserve, jockeying and leaping up the pay scale through five jobs in six years until I’d hit the big time. I was getting a comfortable check, I had my very own high-walled cubicle, and I was the proud owner of all the essential Bank-issued status symbols: a laptop, pager and cell phone.

At about the same time that I achieved what I’d coveted for years, I realized that I’d unintentionally smothered my inner-Spaniard. My career had taken control of my life and as a result I was the least content that I’d ever been. I was 32, divorced, overburdened with a house full of superfluous crap that I didn’t really need, working an occasionally insane on-call work schedule, dangerously dependent on caffeine and muttering darkly about life.

A series of hangover-driven moments-of-clarity occurred, making me realize that I was in serious danger of spending the rest of my life as an over-worked, media-programmed, mindless consumer. I needed to act fast or I would irrevocably descend into a lifestyle that no sane Spaniard would approve of. And act fast I did. In a frenzied six-week period, I implemented a critical mass of rash and irreversible decisions, quitting my job, selling my house, car and all earthly possessions, buying a laptop and flying to Europe with the intention of breaking and entering into the travel writing industry.

My Slacker Zen went supernova for a few years, until I succeeded in carving out my new freelancing career. Admittedly, as an ironic but important footnote, I now generally work harder than I ever did at the Fed – for far less compensation. Being my own boss turned me into an obsessive workaholic. Who would have guessed? Yet my overall contentment level is still notably higher than my final years at the Fed, so there’s that to consider. Also, I’m still dangerously dependent on caffeine.

To this day, the work-versus-contentment paradigm fascinates me. Obviously, it’s virtually impossible to avoid work, but does it always have to be a resolve-testing bummerfest? And what makes it that way? Is it the hours we work or the job we have or the attitude we carry? Even if we don’t live in Spain, can we live and work like they do? And why, for the love of Buddha, after working ourselves to the brink of mental and physical breakdowns, why do we spend our fleeting nights, weekends and vacations doing things like home improvement projects or running frantic errands? The cultural pressure to be constantly productive has invaded our homes and downtime.

I realize this is more autobiographical than informational (some of you may have noticed that I stole a lot of this text from this post), but trust me, I’m building to something. Next week, I go into absurd detail about the founding elements, as I see them, of Slackerology. I’ll also touch (read: rant) on the pattern of rash consumerism in the US that I refer to as ‘Common Senseless’ and how, with a little planning, one can live like a European in the US.

Agonizing over travel insurance? Maybe I can help…

The latest Expedia numbers about how few vacations days Americans receive (and subsequently use) have come out. While this annual survey is a fairly blatant tactic to encourage/enrage people into booking trips to Orlando and Hawaii, I always linger over the findings, as they are a key part of a larger fixation I’ve had for over 15 years about work time versus personal time trends. Indeed, I obsessed about this subject more or less constantly during the nine years that I worked an office job, but I actually started keeping a folder of information and news clippings last year when I suddenly realized that I’m an accidental global expert on work verses personal time trends. Having lived in or travel extensively through the hardest working countries (US, UK, Romania, Japan) and least hardest working countries (Italy, France, Denmark) in the world, it turns out I can speak about this topic at great length, like I intend to do right now.

If you’re like 112.96% of Americans (estimated 2009), you probably don’t love your job enough to voluntarily make it the hands-down, number one priority in your life. So, why is it then that our jobs are seemingly more pivotal to and time-consuming in our daily lives than our hobbies, loved ones, sex and even basic elements vital for our survival like food and sleep?

Though we Americans are far from the hardest working people in the world, we certainly aren’t resting on our laurels. Perversely, despite studies and surveys unanimously showing our wishes for the opposite, we’ve created a masochistic environment where long hours are respected, hair-whitening responsibility and indispensability are revered and skipping vacation is rewarded – usually with more work.

You know what happens when you subject yourself to that kind of day-to-day rigor over a long period of time? You go batshit crazy, that’s what. Which probably explains why our population is so replete with chronic fatigue, paranoia, hypochondria, obesity, road rage, and murder. Though our unfettered access to guns, junk food and Fox News probably isn’t helping.

Further to the above, I found a recent Integra Survey of US workers that revealed some unsettling, though hardly surprising findings:

•    65% of workers said that workplace stress had caused them difficulties (and 10% said the difficulties had major effects).
•    62% routinely had work-related neck pain at the end of the day.
•    44% reported stressed-out eyes.
•    38% had pain in their hands.
•    34% reported difficulty sleeping because of work-related stress.
•    Nearly one in four workers has cried over workplace stress, and 19% have quit a job because of it.
•    Over half of workers say they frequently skip lunch because of job demands.
•    29% have yelled at co-workers because of job stress
•    42% say that yelling and verbal abuse are common
•    2% have actually struck someone at work.

People literally working themselves to death isn’t just for the Japanese anymore, where, incidentally, they actually coined the term, ‘karoshi‘, to describe the phenomenon. We aren’t quite the South Koreans, who only abolished the mandatory six-day work week in 2004, but we have a long way to go before we threaten the French, perennial contenders for Highest Overall Contentment worldwide, who have a nationally mandated 35-hour work week – which I hear they’re trying to shorten yet again. (Kudos.)

I’ve been speaking out, mostly to whoever was stuck next to me in the line at the cafeteria, about the ridiculous state of how over-work in the US is affecting our heath and lifestyles for ages. In fact, I remember the exact moment that I had this epiphany: my first day of work at the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis in 1994. Barely a month after returning from my second Europe backpacking trip in two years, where I spent copious time in Spain, the Siesta Capital of the World, both my jaw and child-like innocence hit the floor upon seeing the Fed’s vacation allotment schedule. I was starting with two weeks, would earn a third week after I’d been there five years and a generous fourth week after 15 years. This schedule is roughly the same today. Meanwhile, as the Wise Bread blog post “America Is the No Vacation Nation” reports, an entry level job in Australia affords the lucky bastard seven weeks of vacation. That’s just plain cruel, man.

Americans enjoy less cumulative vacation days and public holidays (roughly 25 days annually) than Japan (35 days), Morocco (39 days) and Finland (44 days). And that’s if we choose to take all of our vacation days. As shown in the Expedia survey, “On average, Americans reported receiving 13 vacation days in 2009, one day less than the previous three years.” How, with all the recent dialogue, is this situation actually getting worse?

I’ll take a break for now, but I’m not done. Tune in next week for more ranting in a blog post that I’m tentatively calling “The Thankless Work of a Pioneering Slacker – the Leif Pettersen Story.”

Agonizing over travel insurance? Maybe I can help…