In the US, in order to qualify for a home mortgage loan, you need to have “four concurrent open lines of credit” for the previous two years. That means credit cards, car/student loans, another mortgage… So, to sum up, you need to have copious existing debt in order to qualify…

Some of you may remember that I was flown rock star style from Rome to Washington DC last June with only four days notice – rock stars never get more than four days notice for anything – to audition for a travel TV show hosting job that I ultimately failed…

On direct orders from my agent, publicist, personal chef and the Pope, I’ve been trying to up my writer profile lately by targeting big name publications. I started by short-listing several household name publications, then eliminating the sadistic jackasses that pay 25 cents a word despite an excess of two…

Having completed my ‘ultimate fly fishing’ adventure, I was demoted back to the ultimate eco-tour group for the final few ultimate days of the ultimate cruise. FYI – an incontrovertible tourism fact I acquired on this trip is that you can make virtually anything ‘ultimate’ if you somehow involve a…

Actually, this is a dual post about how pissed off I am about the clusterf*ck happening in Iraq and how everyone should go out and rent NO END IN SIGHT before voting in the presidential elections later this year (apologies to non-American readers, though you all should still see the…

My day of ‘ultimate fly fishing’ had finally arrived. I’d initially taken this term to be a mirthful oxymoron, but that was before I was rocketing past volcanoes and cruising mere tens of feet over forest canopy at a breathtaking 130 MPH in a Bell 407 helicopter to engage in…

“Welcome to Patagonia!” our guide said with a huge grin that was partly genuine partly affected. The other guests and I were definitely affecting ours – to the point of clenched teeth. Having just hopped off a powerful jetboat, our group stood on a haunting black beach in five layers…

Now before I blow your tutti-frutti minds with the singular ass kicking that was my trip to Chile, let me state this disclaimer: I’m well aware that my smug bragging of enviable trips lately has far outweighed the usual abject misery for which I’m known and admired and perhaps this…

You know what really pisses me off? Idiots. We’ll get to that in a second. Meanwhile, you know what pisses me off slightly less? Total ass-spanking humiliation. I was duly informed this week via the South by Southwest Interactive Festival discussion panel selection committee that I am officially less interesting…

Folks, I’m just a few hours away from wrapping up my four and five star trip through Chile. But am I sitting back and letting these final hours wind down unproductively? Perish the thought. I’m a professional. When I’m on the road, I work like a miserable dog right down…