Dear non-Americans, in case you were wondering…

If you’ve been watching the election news coming from the US this past month, unsure whether or not the shenanigans you were hearing about vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin were true or just some silly political trash talking, I have some sad, horrifying news for you. Yes, it’s true that there’s an individual here who is potentially “a heartbeat away from the presidency,” as we like to say, and therefore one of the most powerful people in the world, who satisfies all of the following criteria:

•    Is a dangerously fanatical Pentecostal, who believes in witchcraft and tribal, superstitious fairytales

•    Can’t name even one printed news source that she regularly reads

•    Is determined to knock women’s rights back into the 1920s

•    Is even more duplicitous, petty and self-serving than the average politician

•    Has a wayward teenaged daughter that can’t keep her legs together

•    Has a son that was forced to enter the military as punishment for felony vandalism against his school’s buses

•    Didn’t get a passport until age 42 and has since only traveled to military bases in Kuwait and Germany

•    Suggests that people who travel and demonstrate an interest in the rest of the world are spoiled, noncontributing members of society

•    Can’t answer a direct question truthfully or coherently (notice how the spoof clip and the real clip are nearly verbatim in places)

•    Blindly repeats any outlandish, slanderous lies that her weasel advisors tell her to say

•    Can’t pronounce ‘nuclear’ – though it appears sometimes she can with judicious assistance

•    Is the epitome of white trash while scorning people who are too professorial, worldly and open-minded (i.e. “Stupid is the new smart!”)

Just like in 2004, I find myself in the position of having to apologize to every baffled, bug-eyed, distraught person watching our election from abroad, and wondering how, in Buddha’s sweet name, 59,054,087 people can be so DUMB?

It’s just absurd.