The Top 11 Top 10 lists that no one made in 2009

This list was created in honor of my LP colleague Mark Baker, who has gotten the silly notion into his head that the trend of making lists for every conceivable mundane subject is somehow reducing writing/publishing/blogging to single-celled entertainment on par with monster truck rallies or anything currently appearing on MTV.

1.    Top 10 cities where you’re most likely to step in dog shit (my suggestion: Paris)

2.    Top 10 reasons travel writers are still hanging in there, despite crap pay, sociopathic editors and the death of publishing (my suggestion: batshit crazy)

3.    Top 10 times I was horribly wrong when I said “another glass of wine won’t hurt”

4.    Top 10 sex tapes of very important people in Levi Johnston’s possession that explain his baffling fame (I included the wiki link because I strongly suspect that Mark will have no idea who this is – so, in a way, his life is perfect)

5.    Top 10 farts I ripped that were more thought provoking and constructive than US Congresswoman Michele Bachmann’s entire time in office (my suggestion: bean and eggplant burrito)

6.    Top 10 countries where the number of potential gastrointestinal emergencies outnumber unique, genuine tourist attractions (my suggestion: Switzerland)

7.    Top 10 buildings that look like failed designs for sex toys (my suggestion Taipei 101)

8.    Top 10 god-forsaken Pacific Islands that Glenn Beck might be exiled to when he’s finally convicted for treason and gross douchebaggery (my suggestion: Majuro Atoll)

9.    Top 10 chain restaurants that people living in the suburbs consider ‘fine dining’ (my suggestion: The Olive Garden)

10.    Top 10 ways that people who voted against legalizing same-sex marriage suffered brain damage during their formative years (my suggestion: church)

11.    Top 10 nefarious blog topics that will increase your visitor stats by 50 fold the week after you finally give up on ‘travel’ (Humbling Fun Fact: most weeks, the majority of my new visitors find my blog because of Google Images search results pointing to a picture of Michelle Hunziker’s bare ass in this post)