In the past few months, I’ve made two very serious attempts to learn how to type. Anyone that’s taken the time to read my alternately revealing and unsettling ‘About Me’ page will know that I type with exactly four fingers: the thumb, index and middle fingers on my right hand and the middle finger on my left. That’s it.
This system has worked out very well for me, as anyone who has read one of my 2,000-word posts can fervently confirm. So, I never really considered changing anything until I spent extended time with a few of my fellow writers and saw the true scale of my writing shortcomings. Some of these people type like Commander Data: eyes closed, hands a blur of motion, key clicks like a torrential downpour…
Freelancer Catherine Bodry types about 1,254 words per minute before coffee. Lonely Planet veteran Alex Leviton, who it should be noted has hands and fingers the size of cat paws, can simultaneously type, drink water, sing “Old McDonald Had a Farm” and still average 70 words per minute.
So I decided for the sake of speed, accuracy and impressing girls at very select parties, I’d teach myself how to type properly. It went surprisingly well – for nearly 20 minutes. I was making short work of the typing tutorials that I found online before I realized two things: when I tried to type actual words, not tutorial exercises, my WPM speed dropped from 35 to about eight (after fixing all the typos) and the muscles in my forearms and the backs of my hands went numb faster than when I carry five bags of groceries. I soldiered on for a week, giving myself short lessons, but the hand/arm pain in addition to the new, unnatural brain strain spawning facial tics and leg spasms finally convinced me to give it a rest. So there would be no chance of anyone accusing me of quitting, I created the air-tight alibi of traveling to Thailand and Burma for five weeks. No one was the wiser.
Two weeks ago I started again, using positioning tips that didn’t make my hands go numb right away. Sadly, my desk is way too tall for typing ergonomic perfection, so if I ever wanna type for longer than two minutes, I have to move my laptop to the coffee table. Again, though the tutorials were pretty easy, when it came to typing real words, my WPM became insufferably slow. I began to worry that learning to type like Catherine and Alex would take longer than the delivery of an Italian traffic violation.
Then I found salvation. Well, not true salvation, because Obama is still dragging his feet while science eagerly awaits the thumbs up to start developing a bottomless keg of Strongbow, but close enough. My pal Alexis pointed me to a video interview (below) of Diablo Cody, she of “Juno” screenwriting insta-fame. At the 1:15 mark in the interview, it’s revealed that Diablo has always, and still, types with only two fingers!
What’d I tell you? Two finger typing caught on tape! So two things seem to be readily apparent: 1) literary geniuses can’t type and 2) I am twice as good at typing as Diablo Cody, which may mean that I’m only half the genius, but that’s still better than 90% of the writers in the 21st century, so there. In any case, that’s all I needed to hear to dump this ridiculous typing neurosis for the rest of eternity.
So, now that I’ve dispatched with that predicament, I was wondering it there are there any other writers out there that never bothered to learn proper typing, but have nevertheless written an Oscar-winning screenplay? Or at least carved out a modest career in writing?
Come on. I know you’re out there.
Say what you will about New Mexico public schools, but typing was required in 6th grade (along with Spanish). I am very glad to have been forced to learn both those things.
I also really enjoy the sort of mind-body split that kicks in when I’m typing–I can stare out the window, and type what I’m thinking.
And when I was taking the typing class, it got to the point where I’d be thinking, and have this mental image of me typing out my thoughts. Sort of like proto-Tetris.
So maybe if you think of it like a video game, you could learn? For instance, check out all the typing games on Kongregate…
I can type with a fair amount of competence, although I must admit I have to peek for a few of the letters, most of the punctuation & symbols, and all of the numbers.
What I can’t do is: spell, write with correct grammar; understand even basic sentence structure; produce decent prose; or write something funny (except when I am not trying to be funny).
I guess life’s a trade-off and I would trade my adequate typing skills for being able to actually write.
Have you ever checked out those voice-recognition software packages? I’m pretty skeptical but I’d love to dictate to my thoughts while clunking away at a Rubik’s cube, do card tricks, and sit on my hands. Do tell.
Vista Speech Recognition could be decent sometimes. But sometimes it just won’t understand what you’re saying. However it will recognize every swear word you send at it and will methodically insert them into your text 100% of the time! Try it, it’s fun.
On second thought, maybe it’s because I swear in English with less accent than I speak (English is not my first language).
And as far as typing is concerned, my pinkies are curved, so it’s very hard for me to use the left- and rightmost keys (like shift, punctuation, Ctrl. Maybe having long straight fingers is a requirement for touch-typing?
Interestingly, I type in English far better than in Russian (my first language).
Oh, and I’m not a writer, I only write financial reports.
Vit
Sorry, I can type well. And spell very well. And I do it all quite fast. I average 70 wpm. The exersizes are usually easy and you type faster than you would with real words. I learnt to type in high school. I took a couple of classes. When we had tests, we would test for speed and accuracy. So passing required 50 wpm and less than 5 errors. Instant Messaging and chat rooms help me increase both, as I don’t want to be lost in the conversation.
The weirdest part about the typing classes were when you had to keep your eyes on the book. Not the keyboard, because there was a sort of blocker over it so you couldn’t see. Not on the computer, because you had to gain confidence in your accuracy. I had to look at the book that I was supposed to by typing from. It sucked.
I rarely have to look at the computer nowadays unless I’m doing numbers. I’m bad at numbers. And I am glad I never have to keep my feet on the ground or my wrists and posture straight. That killed me in classes.
Keep with it, it’s worth it. Being able to touch type is great for multi-tasking. I’m writing this while watching the latest Top Chef. Look ma! Of course I should be using all this hard earned skill to work on my own writing, instead of commenting here, but it’s baby steps. Tomorrow I’m going to work on changing OUT of my pjs. God help me.
i think the lesson learned from the luminous ms. cody is that it matters not whether you can type with proper hand-wrist alignment while simultaneously re-grouting your tubtile. it’s whether you can type in a way that keeps pace with your thoughts, and with some MODICUM of precision and reading-worthiness.
I don’t type “properly,” either. In fact, I’m just now noting my typing style as I type this, which is actually really hard to do. It seems I like to use all my fingers, but I reach for the keys with the wrong ones. My 9th grade Keyboarding I teacher, Mr. Bruns, would be horrified.
Interesting that ‘Mary’ wrote:
“Sorry, I can type well. And spell very well. And I do it all quite fast. I average 70 wpm. The exersizes are usually easy…”
Umm, “exersizes” ?
Try EXERCISES.
ps: stumbled over a beautiful old manual typewriter from the 50s in a junk shop today. began typing and realized—THIS is perfect for slow / improper typists. can’t type too fast bc of how typewriters work. hemingway, steinbeck used them to pen their works. AND the screenwriter who wrote lonesome dove, brokeback mtn, etc. wrote on a manual hermes typewriter.
Zora – Don’t get me started about New Mexico public schools. Grrr! Also, is it difficult for New Mexicans to get work permits in the US?
Frank – I’d trade being funny for being able to write a printable story in less than three days. I type slow and edit even slower, which is partly why this blog sees action only once a week at best.
Joseph – I haven’t tried voice recognition. I think all the slang I use would defeat it. Also, it probably knows grammar better than I do.
Vit – But now I’m curious about the voice recognition software. Can you add vocab too it, like ‘jackhole’? If so, it might be worth the effort.
Christine – Some of history’s best writing was done in PJs. Don’t mess with a good thing.
Simone – True dat. Though I didn’t mention before, the four-finger method is also riddled with typos. So, it can’t get any worse with proper typing. At least I hope not.
Alexis – yeah, I find myself doing the same thing. For some reason, my ring fingers just don’t want to respond and I end up compensating with the middle.
Simone – I remember those old things. You had to hit every key like you were driving a tack into cardboard. I bet Hemingway, Steinbeck typed with four fingers too.
Competition is the answer to everything.
http://play.typeracer.com/
Let’s see if that helps. Tell me if you want to duel. :)
Hey Leif
Just catching up on your blog.
I did learn how to properly type one time but could only manage 8 words per minute…
I am much quicker with three fingers, about 20 words a minute! Thats probably why I usually write in freehand first.
Wendy
Since you already can’t touch type, you don’t have much to lose by trying a Dvorak layout.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dvorak_Simplified_Keyboard
I switched about 15 years ago. I could type about 45 wpm before on a QWERTY keyboard (though not purely by touch). I still can’t type purely by touch but even with the glances down I can manage 80 wpm and my hands, wrists, and shoulders are much less strained. Long pinkies are not a requirement either, though I have them.
The down side is that while you will still be able to type on a QWERTY keyboard afterward, with nearly the same speed as always, it will drive you batty because it just seems so WRONG after learning to use a keyboard layout DESIGNED for efficiency. It takes me maybe a minute to make the mental switch back to QWERTY, but I never enjoy it.
My experience was that I was doing 20 wpm within 48 hours of the switch, 45 wpm (my original QWERTY speed) within a month, and it’s been all gravy ever since — and this is before I spent incessant hours clacking away at the keyboard every night.