{"id":74,"date":"2006-08-14T13:14:15","date_gmt":"2006-08-14T20:14:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/killingbatteries.com\/?p=74"},"modified":"2006-08-14T13:14:15","modified_gmt":"2006-08-14T20:14:15","slug":"space-cadet-first-class-leif-pettersen-the-first-travel-writer-in-space","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/killingbatteries.com\/space-cadet-first-class-leif-pettersen-the-first-travel-writer-in-space\/","title":{"rendered":"Space Cadet First Class Leif Pettersen – The first travel writer in space"},"content":{"rendered":"

That\u2019s right suckers, I\u2019m calling dibs on this one right now. Chuckle if you want, but I guaran-effing-tee you that space tourism geared for the average schmuck will happen in our lifetime, thus the need for a space guidebook written with flair and authority.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll go out on a limb and say it\u2019ll happen in the next 10 years, after they haul up the Guest Quarters Capsule (A.K.A. the \u2018John Glenn Wing\u2019) for the International Space Station and the Russian Space Agency finally hits rock bottom and starts firing up Soyuz capsules, loaded with space tourists for three-day package trips (all meals included, plus launch pad transfer) for $999 a head.<\/p>\n

Those tourists are going to need some direction about how things run up there; the best places to tether themselves while they suck roast beef, green beans and mashed potatoes out of a tube, the candid truth about the space toilet, where to score the best weed\u2026<\/p>\n

This is where \u2018Lonely Planet International Space Station\u2019 comes in. Someone is going to have to suit up and research that bad boy and I believe I\u2019m the best candidate in the known universe. Here\u2019s why:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0I do not barf \u2013 No joke. Do your worst, I don\u2019t barf for anything or anyone. Motion discomfort? Nope. Excessive drinking? Nope. Food poisoning? Well, define \u2018food poisoning\u2019. Other people barfing around me? Yes, this has been known to turn my stomach, but I have yet to ever succumb! I\u2019m invincible! I\u2019ve only hurled a handful of times in my adult life. Once from criminally bad food preparation, once as my body adjusted to Moroccan bacteria and repeatedly and violently in the weeks following Election 2000. That\u2019s it.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0I\u2019m young, able-bodied and photogenic \u2013 You be surprised, but this trifecta is a rare occurrence in the travel writing world.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0I\u2019ve seen all the Star Wars films multiple times \u2013 Yes, even \u2018Revenge of the Sith\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0I\u2019m the grizzled veteran of countless, unspeakable travel discomforts \u2013 People say that space travel can be a bit unpleasant: G-forces, rocket-lag, cosmonaut snoring\u2026 That\u2019s what you astro-weenies call \u2018unpleasant\u2019? Well, one time I took a 72 hour bus ride<\/a> from Cadiz, Spain non-stop to Iasi, Romania, in June, on a dodgy Romanian bus, piloted by a deranged half-wit with nothing to lose, with no A\/C, with the same goddamn Romanian pop CD playing at top volume most of the way, without a single restaurant stop for the first 62 hours. That\u2019s right, I spit on your G-forces!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0Through the fortuity of 24 years of juggling, I am for all intents and purposes ambidextrous (except for writing and shooting a basketball). That reminds me, while I\u2019m up there, I\u2019d be happy to offer my services for any juggling related science experiments.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0With the possible exception of Bill Bryson, I may be the only person in contemporary literature who can make rudimentary physics and aerodynamics briefs fun to read.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0Four words: \u2018500 Mile High Club\u2019 \u2013 I forgot to mention that I\u2019ll be needing a \u2018research assistant\u2019. Ladies, get your applications in now. Passable fluency in Russian a plus!<\/p>\n

As you can see, I\u2019m a stand-out candidate. And for the record my calendar is filling up fast, so someone at NASA needs to get their rear in gear. Spasiba.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

That\u2019s right suckers, I\u2019m calling dibs on this one right now. Chuckle if you want, but I guaran-effing-tee you that space tourism geared for the average schmuck will happen in our lifetime, thus the need for a space guidebook written with flair and authority. I\u2019ll go out on a limb…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nSpace Cadet First Class Leif Pettersen - The first travel writer in space - Killing Batteries<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/killingbatteries.com\/space-cadet-first-class-leif-pettersen-the-first-travel-writer-in-space\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Space Cadet First Class Leif Pettersen - The first travel writer in space - Killing Batteries\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"That\u2019s right suckers, I\u2019m calling dibs on this one right now. 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