Some of you may remember that I was flown rock star style from Rome to Washington DC last June with only four days notice – rock stars never get more than four days notice for anything – to audition for a travel TV show hosting job that I ultimately failed to get due to various extenuating circumstances that had nothing to do with my stratospheric talent and unmistakable on-camera sexual magnetism.
Recently, I’ve once again been auditioning for a few travel TV show hosting gigs – once invited, once in answer to a controlled cattle call. I was passed over for not being enough of a masochistic, death-defying bruiser in one case and the jury is still out on the other (deal-sweetening fruit basket going out today).
It’s taken me a while to see the pattern emerging, but it’s finally dawned on me that my destiny is to host a travel TV show (or be a judge on Iron Chef, because yummy!). This conclusion is based mostly on the fact that I’m being invited to try out for TV hosting jobs, while even a dump truck of money can’t get publishers to print my memoir project, which has been unanimously judged as being the funniest book in the history of the universe. Apparently there’s some kind of hang-up about the book not having “a clean conclusion”. Sigh. The conclusion is that you laughed your ass off for five hours, jackhole!
Back to the task at hand. It’s understandably difficult to judge a guy’s on-camera potential, even if he’s flooded the internet with fetching photos of himself and can transform a community college lecture on squash cultivation into a laugh-riot Broadway script. So, in the interest of upping my TV show hosting profile, I’ve decided to start video blogging, A.K.A. ‘vblogging’.
The first installment is an audition clip I used in December, a spoof guide to making omelets. Please do not rip my camera framing skills, lighting deficiencies and the lazy use of in-camera sound. I’m just trying to give people an idea of why I’m great for TV, not win an Academy Award for Short Film (Omelet-Making).
So, with no further ado, I present to you “the Lonely Planet Guide to Making Omelets”:
Julia Child with sex-appeal(and the same love for the juice of the grape!)
haha nice. I thought this was going to be over the top and embarrassing but it was solid and legit.
I think you’ve got a little stephen colbert going there, which isn’t a bad thing. I can hear it in the voice, the slower and well-enunciated delivery when you’re reporting some facts or instructions, and the way you’re trying to be serious and still comical at the same time. Again not a bad thing, but it is the main thing I was thinking by 45 secs in. Also, I was a little disappointed by the flip… a lifetime of juggling and all you gave us was a 180? Weak.
But yeah, solid video and solid omelet. I’ll have to put in a word for a guest spot with Dolce Vita… what can i say, I know a guy.
remember, 8%!
Gemma/Lucas – I think you two should get together and form a production company. You both obviously have exquisite taste in what makes good TV.
Lucas – Yes, over the top and embarrassing would have been closer to the theme of this blog, but no, I’m serious. Dead serious. Someone put me on TV now. OK, well maybe just a bit over the top and embarrassing next time. Also, don’t misunderstand, I can do a 360 degree omelet flip with my eyes closed, but then the brown part is still down and the raw part up. That’s no good. Hmm, maybe a 540…
Haewon – Yes, 8%. You should be able to retire in about six months if my calculations are correct. Might as well quit your job now so you can prepare.
360 with a half twist and stick the landing
will your video blogs be posted on here or somewhere else? cause i want to watch them!
Hate to hijack this fine thread but came across something that I thought you’d love to snark; a little item from your beloved Romania.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/01/30/romania.exorcism.ap/index.html
Did you ever encounter this guy? Am sure you’d never forget the beard. Please please don’t tell us that was common male facial hair!
Naomi – Any vblogs will most definitely be posted here. I just have to think of something else to vblog about that doesn’t require me to travel for the moment. Maybe how to make cookies?
Mimi – Fortunately I did not encounter this guy while I was in Romania. I think any meeting between the two of us might have not gone well. People are always trying to exorcise me. And that beard is freaking me out, man. Just seeing him in a picture is going to keep me up at night.
That’s funny, Leif! Good to meet you at the LP conference.
Yo Leif!
I stumbled across this funny vBlog of yours just now while I was cruising around to see what other vBlogs are out there. I do a vBlog for the Reno-Tahoe tourism board, youtube.com/theERIN411show, and I’m trying to find other people in the field to bounce questions off, complain to, and just generally have a community. So, this is sorta my playground way of asking if you’ll be my friend.
Will ya?
Hey there!
Just saw your vblog and I think what you did was a great idea :) it gives hope to the many out there who’d like to do more without having the chance of goin on air!
You have a unique sense of humour, so use that to the fullest (body language instead of verbal) and hopefully, you’ll get to be a travel tv presenter!
All the best!