Reality TV Producers Take Note: ‘Follow an LP Author’

I happened on a reality TV show a while back that redefined the phrase ‘fresh out of ideas’. The show focused on the lives of a bunch of Americans teaching English in Taiwan. Sweet Jesus…  I don’t think a more tiresome and monotonous group of people exists in nature, yet here they were making a TV show about them. It was so bad that I’m still pissed off about it. What’s next? ‘Cafeteria Busboys; The Untold Story’?

What irks me is that a lavishly paid group of people somehow convinced an even more lavishly paid group of people that this was a good idea and none of these dough heads have even an inkling of what makes good TV.

OK idiots, here’s your good idea, free of charge; ‘Follow a Lonely Planet Author’.  You want drama?  You want excitement?  You want exotic locales?  You want to see people come unwound from malnutrition, sickness and exhaustion while trying to fulfill Herculean tasks with nerve shattering deadlines?  It doesn’t get any more gripping than this, baby!

I travelled over 4,000 kilometres on some of the worst roads in Europe!  I got into three care accidents!  I drove through two end-of-the-world snow storms!  I negotiated precipitous mountain passes in life-threatening conditions!  I had repeated run-ins with police!  I got five flat tires in six weeks (stupid worst roads in Europe!) and was at the mechanic three times!  I was honked at, yelled at and threatened with violence by deranged countryside lunatics!  I picked up hitchhikers that were either too drunk or too Hungarian to communicate with!  And all of this happened in a tidy, production-friendly six weeks! You could have just strapped a camera to my chest and let it roll 24 X 7, even during my restless 6-7 hours of sleep each night, and it still would have been more absorbing than that freakin’ Taiwan show!!!

[Pant, pant, pant, pant.  Sigh]

So anyway, if you’ll be needing someone to star in that show, I’m available and cheap.