Medical Burro

I’m a disaster of aches, pains and ominous symptoms lately. I’ve always been a passionate hypochondriac, but this is starting to get ridiculous. And it all started almost overnight. Well, over-month, but still a relatively short period of time. As of the time of writing, I’ve got two painful teeth (yes, in addition to the one that I got fixed last month in Romania), a tender hip that’s shooting pain lasers into my pelvis, lower back and knee, insomnia, a rash that may or may not be flesh-eating and most recently mild, yet unsettling vertigo.

If I die in my sleep of an aneurism, I want to leave my laptop to Alex, my magazine clippings to Frank (just white out my byline and type in yours), my Playboys to Lucas (start a blog dude), my 27 gigabyte Michelle Hunziker multimedia stalker files to Elfin and the remainder of my Romania and Moldova work to Catherine who is trying to break into Europe, FYI LP editors.

Regular readers (especially Twitter readers) will be most familiar with my achy hip that started for no apparent reason in April and, not surprisingly, didn’t get any better after a month of being on my feet for 12 hours a day in Romania.

My robust network of enablers seems to think it’s Sciatica, an affliction with numerous, vague symptoms and even more numerous treatments that are either too time consuming (yoga), too expensive (surgery) or too illegal (medical dope) for workaholic guidebook writers without heath insurance. So, as is my way, I’m treating it with the Complain Incessantly Method, which has gotten me several offers for butt rubs, but otherwise not much relief.

donkey.jpgMeanwhile, a few helpful, drunken bystanders have made suggestions as to how I can ease the pain for my looming three week trip to finish road research in Romania, which is how the concept of a Medical Burro™ was hatched.

Just plain walking around sucks enough ass (pun intended), but carrying my bags is pure agony. Enter the Medical Burro. I can just sling my specially designed laptop and gadget saddlebags over my Medical Burro and we’ll saunter inconspicuously down the streets of Bucharest, the envy of all guidebook writers we encounter. Best of all, it appears that you can rent a Medical Burro (because in this economy only an idiot would lease or buy a Medical Burro) and after only a little training I bet my Medical Burro can probably take better notes than I can.

The sweetest part is that it’s a Medical Burro, which means they legally have to let you bring it on the plane. That’s a guaranteed pass to exit-row seating people.

I’m looking into it, but I’m pretty sure that my LP on-the-road insurance will compensate me for my Medical Burro rental, however, I’m not sure if I can rent my Medical Burro here in America and bring it with me. That’d be ideal, cuz Romanian Medical Burros drive like shit.