Killing Batteries

Yes, I’m finally posting what may very well be my least useful destination review ever: Guam.

Something like 1.8% of all annual visitors to Guam are Pinkies and having checked my blog visitor stats from the past week, I know that 0.0% of you are visiting from Asian countries (where 95% of Guam visitors come from), so the chances of any of you actually benefiting from the information contained in this post are virtually nil. But I wrote it anyway. Why? Because I’m a stud, that’s why. Also, I can work my mouse by clenching it between my pecs, a trick that never gets old at my house.

Furthermore, I apologize in advance to my non-US readers for the tone of this American-aimed post, because let’s face it, the precious few Pinkies that do make it to Guam are virtually all Americans. Let’s begin.

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Greetings from the hot, sunny, duty free paradise that is Guam!

My five day “familiarization tour” is coming to a close. It’s been a lot better than I’d expected in virtually every way. Furthermore, I think I may have stumbled upon an earth-shaking revelation: I haven’t actually crunched the numbers yet, but I have a solid theory that a week in Guam is actually cheaper than a week in Hawaii, never mind the dry heave difference in plane ticket prices. At the end of the week, after you factor in accommodations, food, on-island transportation, activities and, of course, shopping, I think when you reach the bottom line the added expense of the plane ticket is equalized and Guam has the advantage. There’s still the little matter of it taking nearly two days to get here and back - two days that you’re not sitting on a beach with a primary-color cocktail in one hand and your sun reflector in the other - but that’s something to debate in another forum.

I’ve been treated very well on Guam. The natural friendliness and common courtesy of the residents has been vastly magnified by the treatment I’ve received at my “home,” the Sheraton Laguna Hotel.

The Guam Visitor’s Bureau is keen to boost tourist numbers from the continental US and my little but powerful magazine is a bull’s-eye in terms of hitting their prime demographic: moneyed, intrepid, frequent business travelers. The Sheraton concurred, agreeing to host me for an unheard of six straight nights. The Sheraton, just opened in April of 2007, looks new, smells of mahogany and natural oils and is operated by a staff with NASCAR pit crew teamwork and precision.

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