Worst travel writing jobs 003: “Single Female Executive Assistant”

Welcome to the third installment of the “worst travel writing jobs” series.

This is not a travel writing job, but it popped up on my travel writing job search the other day and it was so breathtakingly shameful that I couldn’t resist mocking it.

Single Female Executive Assistant

Off to a bad start. I went ahead and ran this through the Subtext Filter and got: “Need smoking hot, personal assistant/plaything. Must type 60 words per minute, make coffee and be open to light dominant/submissive sex play. Self-esteem optional.”

Job Description

I am looking for a Female Organized, Proactive Administrative Assistant, preferably in the Pacific Time Zone to help me manage my daily schedule, including: client meetings, managing direct reports, and business travel. Other tasks include project management, invoicing, web research, data entry, proofreading, managing sales pipeline, and drafting content and blog posts.

In other words, this nubile young thing will effectively perform your entire job, with the additional unspoken understanding that they’ll be correcting your Random Capitalization tic?

The hours needed are 7am – 6pm, Monday through Saturday. The company is in the Green industry.

Only 66 hours per week? Now the requirement that she be single makes sense, since your executive assistant won’t have the time or energy to carry on a romantic relationship, except with you hot stuff.

Contractor requirements

You need to be able to speak, read, and write good English

Is there a bonus for people who can make sense of this job posting?

You must also be familiar with the following software: Microsoft Office, SMM, Google and Skype.

There’s a Google software now? Shit, back to college I go.

How to apply

In your cover letter, please reply back with your experience.  Please include references that I can review as well as samples of web work.

Samples of my web work include advanced computer working skills, mastery of manual keyboard typing and, by reading this post, deducing that you probably spill a lot of food on yourself while eating.

About the company

I am a busy entrepreneur who has recently started a green business. One target small businesses and entrepreneurs and the other targets the homeowners living green.

You’re busy AND an entrepreneur? My sincerest apologies for the previous sarcasm. We job seekers will now form an orderly line and wait patiently to fellate you.

Weekly Base pay + Bonuses each month base on performance. once work increases the base salary also will.

Well, that’s a relief. I was worried that working only 66 hours a week would go unrewarded.

Budget: $100.00

Wait, is this my weekly pay or how much you paid for your online business degree?

40 + Hours will be during business hours pacific standard time (California, USA)  between 8am to 8 pm – 5 to 6 days per week.

Now it’s 72 hours a week? Are you sure you don’t need TWO Single Female Executive Assistants? That would be totally pimp.

If interested, please reply to this job opening for a phone interview on skype.

“…Because my ChatRoulette account was disabled for legal reasons.

This full time CAREER for the right person, with incentive bonuses and a great salary in the long run + the opportunity to come and work in California.

Woo hoo! Everyone knows that working 72 hours a week for $100 will surely lead to a comfortable life in California.

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