The three or four people closely following my career and composing various unauthorized biographies about me peed themselves a little recently when I quietly launched a new side project: a gangsta rapper alter ego known as ‘Righteous Culo’.
Unfortunately, I immediately lost focus and creative direction. I’m told this is common in rap, what with the distractions of groupies, booze, being a pimp and producing family comedies on TBS.
Well, I’m happy to announce that those dark, wayward days are over and Righteous Culo’s debut album is in full production. I followed the advice given to all fledgling writers and decided to drop dope rhymes about what I know.
The result? The world’s first gangsta travel rap album: “Where’s the Hostel, Motherf*cker?”
Dr. Dre begged me not to go into too much detail, but I so truly love my fans that I can’t resist posting the track list as an appetite-whetter:
1. “Extra Spicy Kebab, S’il Vous Plaît”
2. “I Got Bed Bugs at Yo Mama’s House”
3. “WTF TSA?”
4. “I’ll Put My Chaco in Yo Ass!”
5. “Walk This Way – Or You’ll Miss the Bus, Yo”
6. “Baby, I Don’t ‘Like’ You That Way”
7. “It Was a Good Day to Do Laundry”
8. “Hablas Englisho?” – Featuring Bill Bryson
9. “A Month in Amsterdam – Parents Just Don’t Understand”
10. “Nuthin’ But a G-String”
11. “$25 Wi-Fi? – TripAdviser Ass Whuppin”
12. “Dat Ain’t No Girl! (Bangkok Blues)”
Aight, I gotta go meet with my eyebrow stylist and my limp choreographer. World peace out.