I had to decline an offer this week to predict 2010 travel trends. Besides being prohibitively busy writing the seminal works detailing how smart I am and how dumb everyone else is, but with grace and charm, I didn’t feel that I was qualified to publicly muse about future travel trends. The main reason for this being that, though I am endowed with many superhuman attributes, one of them is not the ability to see into the future.
I’ve never understood how anyone can predict a trend with a straight face. This is pure guesswork. And why would anyone waste their time writing or reading someone’s casually hatched guesswork? I consider myself to be a fairly wise person, but on the average day I can’t predict my own bowel movement trends, much less the random meanderings of a bunch of notoriously non-trend-following travelers.
But after further reflection it hit me that there are in fact a few 2010 events that I’m not afraid to predict. And since, in my continuing mind-expansion program through trial-and-error, I discovered last week that writing stupid lists is relatively quick work that people are 34 times more likely to read and share (please share this, thank you), I have compiled a list of Top 11 Air-Tight, Totally Gonna Happen Predictions for 2010.
1. Many people will incorrectly predict trends.
2. The time-space continuum will go on unchanged, hopefully.
3. During the third inning of the first game played at the Minnesota Twins brand new, outdoor baseball stadium ($353 million of which came from Hennepin County taxpayers) in an unseasonably cold, heavy rain shower, Twins owners, fans and players will realize that they’ve made a very terrible mistake.
4. Nearly everyone will age approximately one year.
5. The guy from Man Versus Food will be hospitalized for obvious reasons.
6. Drawing on copious iron-clad data from high profile, non-partisan studies, experts will continue to voice concern over global warming, to which deniers will look out the window and retort “But it’s snowing in New York, stupid!”
7. I will get roughly 12% better looking.
8. Republicans will sabotage any hint of political productivity, blame it all on the Democrats and the Democrats will sit around looking dazed.
9. When Sarah Palin’s book tour goes to the United Kingdom, as they board the airplane, she’ll be overheard demanding for a status report on recent dragon attacks.
10. Reality shows make a comeback, with ratings toppers “Biggest Skanks in Miami” and “Getting to Know Tyrone” the first of 10 seasons (seven with good behavior) about Glenn Beck’s time in a two-bunk cell in Sing Sing prison.
11. OK fine, the fastest growing travel destinations in 2010 will include Cuba, Columbia, China and Romania. Especially Romania. Ideally with travelers planning their visits using my unequaled Romania and Moldova Travel Guide.