Oh man, my little heart is breaking. I’ve just had a very fulfilling, passion-filled, five year relationship suddenly terminate. Boo hoo.
She was easily my longest and most treasured traveling companion. We’d been through so much together. Seen the world from first class airplane seats, luxury cruises and the backs of open-top truck beds, rattling down dusty roads. We endured hair-raising border crossings, every weather extreme and frequently slept together in dodgy hostels for safety.
Sure, she wasn’t aging too gracefully – she’d put on some weight (she never looked the same after she got that 24-page insert taped onto her in Bangkok), her face was increasingly creased from spending so much time in my pocket and it seemed like every country we visited she’d come away with new body art, but somehow this only made me love her more.
It ended so suddenly. One minute we’re jet-setting along as ever, the next she had simply run out of pages.
Goodbye my dear, sweet passport. I will never forget you.
Oh sure, I’ll get another passport. She’ll be new, thin, have perfect skin and, ideally, will have never been with another guy, but it just won’t be the same. There’s all that get-to-know you awkwardness. Scrutiny over our considerable age difference, learning each other’s coffee preferences, peeing with the door closed…
And she’ll have a hell of a time winning over my friends. Everyone loved my old passport. She was the life of the party. She drew stares and reverent gasps from random passersby. She had charisma, wisdom and beauty that can only be won through age and experience. And, if you must know, she was insane between the sheets.
I know the best course of action is to cut the cord and move on, but I’ve been listening to Boston’s “Take My Breath Away” all morning and looking at photos. Here’s a few choice candids.
Ah memories. Please leave your condolences in the comments area.
UPDATE: After lengthy investigation, culminating in a 20 minute phone call to the US Passport Center, I have learned that I can indeed get more pages taped into my current passport. US passports, which arrive with 24 pages, can take up to three inserts containing 24 additional pages each, meaning a passport is not truly “filled” until it has 96 pages. Woo hoo!
Agonizing over travel insurance? Maybe I can help…
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July 30th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
This does mean you will be having a memorial service for this passport right? A good send off is always important, especially if beer is involved.
July 30th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
You could sell her for wine and cider money.
July 30th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
I do, of course, love the censor-strip on that last one.
July 30th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Hilarious, lovely post!
July 30th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
don’t be a prude and show us some spreads :)
July 30th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
So true! Which one is your fav stamp? Mine has to be Gibraltar…the stamp better than the locale.
July 31st, 2009 at 9:29 am
You’ll probably end up having some meaningless flings with various other passports before you find another.
If there’s anything I can do…
July 31st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I hate you leif.
August 1st, 2009 at 3:07 am
I thought you could get extra pages added multiple times to an American passport.
August 1st, 2009 at 9:33 pm
change pusher kid !
August 1st, 2009 at 9:53 pm
if this is the old passport… i must say (she) looks sharp considering her age. from your description I thought she was wrinkled, fat and loose, but she’s thin and pretty.
August 2nd, 2009 at 11:04 pm
I haven’t checked in a while, but I was led to believe that you can get a one-time, 24-page insert taped into a US passport and once that was filled you have to get a new.
The worst part is, I’ll be all “I’ve been to 45 countries” and people will look at my pristine passport and go “Riiiiiight.” All my street cred will be gone.
August 3rd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
there’s always more fish in the sea.
August 5th, 2009 at 12:52 am
my passport expired and withered from neglect…kind of like my love life.
August 5th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
My goal is life is to fill up my passport until he leaves me. It hasn’t happened yet. Stop whining, you lucky bastard.
August 8th, 2009 at 8:01 am
I’m on my third and the alimony is killing me.
Hope you got a “pre-nup” with your new one.
And the new ones are all high tech, and all. I’m convinced that I’ve got Dick Cheney stuck in my pants wherever I go now.
(Please, no “two dicks are better than one” quips.)
August 11th, 2009 at 1:46 am
Don’t forget to whack it with a hammer. Kill that microchip. It’s in the back cover, lower down.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:19 am
That post was hilarious!!! :D :D
I have to admit, I was really confused for a minute about what (or who..) you were talking about :P
Excellent blog :D
August 11th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
I feel your pain.
Personally, I like a passport with a history. Experience counts more than looks.
Can you get a big piece of string and leash her to your new one? (Hellfire, that sounds kinky and generally Wrong). Or is that classed as defacement by the passport control people? As you say, sounds a shame to have to leave the evidence of your globetrotting at home…