Introducing “This is what’s pissing me off today”

kidfinger.jpgWe Americans have a lot of pent up anger. The reasons why this is the case could fill a Michael Moore trilogy, so I’m officially handing that task off to him.

Meanwhile, how’s an ordinary guy supposed to vent this tidal wave of boundless fury, aside from demolishing the occasional pay phone with one’s bare hands? Complain like an early-onset cranky, paranoid old bastard, that’s how.

Accordingly, I’m starting yet another updated-when-I-feel-like-it KB series: “This Is What’s Pissing Me Off Today”. Anything is fair game: News stories, personal offenses, Berliner Schadenfreude, intellectual property thieves, people who don’t signal when they turn left in front of me, you name it.

So let’s get on with the wrath already:

“‘Hidden costs raise’ US war price” – Holy $hit! Hold on, the report may have been politically motivated. Der! Of course it was politically motivated! Politically motivated to piss me off! This is the quote that made me spit out a perfectly good mouthful of coffee: “The Democrats calculate that between 2002 and 2008 the campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan will have cost the average US family of four about $20,900.” That is some Grade ‘A’ piss me off material right there. Imagine what I could have done with that 21K? The mind swirls – and then it gets more pissed off.

• Have you been enjoying my “Don’t Go There” series? Funny, sarcastic stuff, eh? What? I should write a book with this theme? That’s a brilliant idea! Gosh, I hope some jackhole hasn’t already stolen the concept from me, cuz that would really piss me off!!! How much can I sue for blatant intellectual property theft? What do ya think, ten million? Fifteen after you throw in emotional distress and a pissed off-induced stroke? First things first, I’ve gotta sleuth the real name of this so-called “Julian L’Estrange”. That $hit is so made up. Piss me off.

• The TV writer’s strike here in America is pissing me off hardcore. I didn’t move back here so I could watch the same episodes of “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” three times in four weeks. Who’s in charge of programming these reruns? Someone sympathetic to the writers obviously, because I’m getting more pissed off every day. I’ve actually been reduced to reading a book for Christ’s sake! Honest to God, a book!! Grrrr!

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