Sheila – Thanks for the offer. Texas, two kids and four cats sounds divine, and not even remotely distracting, but the long distance bills to Italy with all the follow-up calls I’ll need to make will hurt something fierce. And it’s not like I’m Romania Suffering here… You should have seen the fantastic chocolate mousse I had last night. If only it were socially acceptable to weep in public…

Kjohn – I see where you’re going with this, and without the prerequisites of mental illness, giant boobs and sex scenes, I can see how I might be at a disadvantage with prospective producers, but I’m still convinced there’s someone out there with more brains than money that will fund the show, and maybe tell their three friends in TV that also have more brains than money, and perhaps we can create a ground swell of… brains.

Nat/Amanda – I’ve been to Craig’s list. Nothing I can use. Even put up a short “housing wanted” post. No dice. And that 500 euros per month is about 200 euros beyond what I’ve deemed bargain basement rent. Plus, I’ll have no car… And I have an aversion to animal hair. And satellite TV. And male roommates. Not as fun to accidentally walk in on them while they’re in the shower…

McB – I’ve always said I’m not opposed to partial nudity. For some reason no one has taken me up on it yet. More proof the industry is effed.

“Beautiful, large room in the Tuscan countryside available from May 1st until June 15th or even July 1st. The rent is 500 Euro per month not including utilities which run about 100 Euro per month. One large room with a queen sized bed is available in a grand house. This is a share with two really kind Italian roommates, both gay men and one dog. The bedroom has a bathroom located right next to it and my roommates are at work most of the time. You would need a car because the house is located in the Tuscan countryside, twenty minutes from Florence city center. High speed internet, Sky television, gorgeous garden, 25 year old Pony gentle in garden, living room, kitchen with dish washer and washing machine. Buses do pass but only every hour. The house is near San Martino della Palma, in the countryside near Florence.

For more details Call +39.3493701422 or +39.055768989 or email for more photos.”

Aside from price, I thought it sounded perfect for you … ^_~

Seriously, though–I love travel shows and you’re definitely way more entertaining than Rick Steves. The reality twist would be cool.

On the place to live…try craigslist. I dont know if they are international, however sometimes the US metros have opportunities you might be interested in.

Anyway, if there was ever a poster boy for NOT taking a guidebook-writing gig, it would have to be you. May the freelance gods send you a decent writing/blogging job very soon, because you sure as hell deserve it and LP has gotten their blood from a turnip (OK, I’m sure you have a hot bod and are not a turnip.)