I kid you not. I was in shorts just this weekend and this morning I wake up to snow! It’s October 12th for chrissake!
You may be thinking, “Yes, but Leif, you’re in Minnesota. Derr! These things happen. Hasn’t 24 hour darkness set in already? Don’t polar bears forage for food just outside downtown? In fact, isn’t there a waiver you have to sign when you cross the border relinquishing the state of all responsibility in regards to weather related catastrophes because there’s so goddamn many of them?”
But none of this is true. It’s all just hearsay and trash talk perpetrated by reprobates on the coast. It never snows this early in Minneapolis. October can get a little chilly now and again, sure, but snow? Sometimes we get all the way to Christmas without snow!
One time, in college, it snowed like 23 inches in 24 hours on Halloween (October 31st for you non-heathens). It was so early and there was so much snow that even the University of Minnesota shut down, which has only happened a handful of times since colonial days (or whatever – I made that up).
Believe me, Minnesotans can handle snow (Best. Snow. Removal. Ever.), but even here, there’s a distinct line where one should be able to confidently expect a snow-free experience and that line was stomped on today.
On an unrelated, but unfortunate note, I shaved my head two days ago and the sudden cold is zapping right through my skull and frosting my brain stem like a bag of microwave vegetables.
Moreover, I shouldn’t even be here. If I hadn’t delayed my flight to pound out five articles in six days, I’d be in France by now! It’s 75 and sunny in Nice! I briefly entertained the possibility of finally making a visit to Switzerland next week, because I’m getting sick of telling people that I’ve been to every country in Western Europe except Switzerland. Oh yeah, and Finland. Forgot about those guys. My bad.
Anyway, screw Switzerland. And screw Paris too. I’m getting on the first train headed for the French Riviera when I land on Wednesday. Us homeless people may have bad hair and limited wardrobe options, but the upshot is that we’re mobile and mobile people get to go to Nice when they feel like it.
Have a good winter suckers.